Breaking Free From Perfectionism This Holiday Season

Is your child anxious this holiday season? | Fairfield, NJ

If your child struggles with anxiety, you probably notice their perfectionistic tendencies intensify around the holidays.
The pressure to get everything “just right” — from school projects to family gatherings — can create overwhelming stress for kids who already hold themselves to impossibly high standards.

As a parent, you want your child to enjoy the season… not fall apart because they’re terrified of disappointing someone, making a mistake, or “ruining” the holiday.

But for many anxious kids, holiday perfectionism turns what should be a joyful time into a cycle of worry, self-criticism, and emotional overload.

Let’s talk about where this comes from, how it impacts your child’s emotional wellness, and how therapy — especially therapy intensives — can help your child feel calmer, more confident, and more emotionally grounded during the holiday season! 

Where Holiday Perfectionism Comes From

Perfectionism rarely starts during the holidays… but the season magnifies it. Kids who already struggle with anxiety often internalize expectations they don’t fully understand but feel deeply responsible for.

Here are the common roots:

1. Family Expectations (Real or Perceived)

Even if you’re not putting pressure on your child, many anxious kids feel responsible for keeping the peace or “making everyone happy.”
They read the emotional temperature of the room and conclude:
“If I do everything perfectly, everything will be OK!”

2. Internalized Beliefs About Achievement

Kids often believe:

• “If I make a mistake, everyone will be upset.”

• “I have to be good all the time.”

• “If things aren’t perfect, I ruined everything.”

These beliefs feel heavier during the holidays, when emotions (and expectations) run high.

3. Cultural + Social Messages

Holiday movies, school activities, and even classroom norms can reinforce the idea that everything should be magical, cheerful, or flawless — leaving anxious kids feeling like they constantly fall short.

4. Social Media Comparison

Even younger children absorb the comparison culture:
perfect decorations, perfect outfits, perfect families — and they worry they won’t measure up.

5. Childhood Messaging About Being “Good”

Many kids tie goodness to behavior, performance, or being agreeable. During the holidays, this becomes:
“I need to make the holiday perfect so everyone is happy with me.”

For a child with anxiety, this internal pressure is crushing.

How Perfectionism Impacts Your Child’s Mental Health During the Holidays

Holiday perfectionism doesn’t just create stress — it impacts your child’s emotional wellbeing in ways that often surprise parents.

You might see:

✓ Increased Anxiety

Your child becomes more rigid, overwhelmed, or panicky when things don’t go exactly as planned.

✓ Irritability or Meltdowns

Small changes or unexpected events trigger big reactions, because their nervous system is already stretched thin.

✓ Disconnection or Withdrawing

Instead of enjoying social events, they shut down or avoid family gatherings for fear of “messing up.”

✓ Fear of Mistakes

You may hear comments like:

• “It’s not good enough.”

• “What if I do something wrong?”

• “I don’t want to disappoint anyone.”

✓ Emotional Exhaustion

Perfectionism is mentally draining.
By mid-December, many anxious kids feel burned out — overwhelmed by pressure, performance, and overstimulation.

When a child feels responsible for keeping the holiday “perfect,” the anxiety becomes too much for them to hold on their own.

How Therapy Helps Kids Unlearn Perfectionism

The beautiful thing is this:
Perfectionism is learned — which means it can be unlearned!!

Therapy gives children space to release the pressure they’ve been carrying and learn healthier ways to navigate emotions, expectations, and family dynamics.

1. Challenging Black-and-White Thinking

Kids often see the world as:

• perfect or terrible

• success or failure

• good or bad
  Therapy helps them develop flexible thinking and feel safe making mistakes.

2. Reducing Shame and Self-Blame

Children who struggle with perfectionism often believe mistakes make them bad — not their behavior.

Therapy helps them rebuild self-esteem and understand:
“My worth isn’t based on performance.”

3. Building Emotional Boundaries for the Holiday Season

Kids learn how to:

• say no when overwhelmed

• cope with sensory overload

• navigate tricky family dynamics

• express needs without fear
  These emotional boundaries help them stay grounded during a busy season.

4. Creating Realistic Expectations

Therapists help kids redefine success:
Not perfect… but present.
Not flawless… but meaningful.
Not pressured… but supported.

5. Why Therapy Intensives Help Anxious Kids So Quickly

Instead of waiting weeks between sessions, therapy intensives give your child:

• extended time to process their anxiety

• deeper work around perfectionistic beliefs

• immediate coping tools they can use this season

• faster emotional relief and nervous system stabilization

For kids who feel overwhelmed by holiday expectations, intensives can be the reset they need.

Want This Holiday Season to Feel Lighter for Your Child?

You want your child to enjoy the holidays — not brace for them.
You want memories that feel connected and warm — not anxious and pressured.

If your child is struggling with holiday perfectionism, now is the perfect time to get support.

Schedule a consultation before the holidays, and let’s help your child step into a calmer, more confident, more joyful season!

Meet Kristen

Kristen Hanisch, LCSW, is a licensed therapist providing virtual therapy to children and teens across New Jersey. She specializes in anxiety, perfectionism, people-pleasing, and EMDR therapy intensives that help clients make fast, meaningful progress. Kristen is dedicated to helping families break anxiety cycles, strengthen emotional wellness, and create more peaceful, connected relationships—especially during high-stress times like the holidays.